Not Ramsey nor Oliver, but I've got a Nigella

If you've ever met me before, you'll know that I'm not the largest person in the world. Scratch that. I know what you're thinking. I'm pretty average down there to be honest.

Simply put: I'm ridiculously skinny. Like model skinny. I have a body that 16 year old girls would kill for (except the boobs, I have no chest, literally).

It's quite strange that in my dark past I've worked as a cook in several restaurants and cafés. But then that's the side of me that cares more about other people than myself. I'm lazy when it comes to cooking for one.

Olivia, my girlfriend, on the other hand, is a great cook. So much so, she's started a Tumblr of the things she puts in her mouth. She's like Nigella Lawson, but younger. She puts me to shame. Here's some of her home made sushi.



She's pretty good at deserts too.



Aren't you jealous? I am. She's gone back home for the summer. I'm suffering!

So I thought I'd upload my efforts at dinner. Where Olivia can come up with a delicious three course meal for two for under a tenner (usually less), I fail to feed myself a one course on the meagre budget I have. Except today.



Mmm... Sainsbury's reduced quarter pounder burgers on a bed of rocket, cress and lettuce, with homemade caramelised onions and chips. Heart attack inducing.

Can you come back to London now?

From Poland With Huh?

Komorowski (top), Kaczyński (bottom)
[I wanted to put them left/right, but I suck at HTML]

My girlfriend went home to Warsaw, Poland this week. Fun summer? Sucks. But the silver lining the cloud is that I can take heart in that my girlfriend is a hot Polish correspondent (and cook).

My girl in the field was born in Johannesburg and grew up as Nelson Mandela took his nation out of apartheid. The outcome of the election in Poland on Sunday could be as revolutionary for the country as it was in South Africa last century. She has a view almost as an outsider, with parents and TV to fill in the blanks. Here’s what I got from what she’s got:

Jarosław Kaczyński, twin brother of former president Lech - killed along with his wife and 94 tragic others - wants to bring an end to an era of secrets in government as well as his country. Recently, a list has been published online of those who had links or did favors for the old Communist Party. The degree of involvement is unknown until personal files become public. Kaczyński wants what the Freedom of Information Act allows here. Kaczyński is the only candidate running who has nothing to hide, in terms of relationships with the old flame, the girl next door.

Komorowski, Kacyzński's prime opponent, has a history of personal attacks on the former. Baiting seems to be the only thing he does on his hours on TV news. Unlike Kaczyński, Komorowski doesn’t want the files to go public. What has he to hide?

Britain’s stumble into a coalition was widely observed through all possible angles through more media than ever. What was recorded wasn’t very interesting in the end at least in this country (apart from the amusing ones, Biggotgate and ‘Sky News is shit’ unless Adam Boulton is causing some mirth). Poland lacks the luxury of terrestrial rolling news we take for granted. News broadcasts go out in regular slots, depending on how and where you receive your news, you often get told a different story. The news, like here, enjoys employing opinion polls. And the Pole’s polls shown on screen have already moved on to the next round of elections predicting 60:40 in favour of Komorowski. But as Komorowski spends his time attacking Kaczyński, Kaczyński spends his pushing his policy. One late evening news broadcast reported on a newsagent who had sold out issues of a magazine with Kaczyński and his wife on the cover. Komorowski doesn’t sell so well.

Komorowski’s lead in the opinion polls could be accurate, but it could be like in South Africa. My mum said she’d vote for de Klerk but went with Mandela. In Poland you’ve got to know someone to get a waitressing job, old connections still exist, so appearances can be deceiving.

Whichever way the election goes on Sunday in Poland, the outcome will be crucial for the future of the nation. As my Polish correspondent put it, "If Komorowski gets in we’ll have more dealings with Russia, if Kaczyński wins there are no more secrets. We’re fighting for the truth."

30 Seconds In The Mind Of...

Stephen Isaac-Wilson is a fellow cohort on the Catch-22 academy.



We recently spoke about the most inane things that came to mind...

Not Yosarrian: What did you want to be when you were growing up?

Stephen: I can't remember... When I was young I wanted to be a doctor, but then I got into swimming so I wanted to be a swimmer.

N.Y.: What's the scariest situation you've ever been in? Have you ever feared for your life?

S.I.W.:Not really, I've had quite a secured kind of life.

You can follow Stephen's own Catch-22 blog Catch Me If You Can by clicking that line just there. He's on Twitter too @Isaac_01

N.Y.: Living or dead, who would be at your dream dinner party?

S.I.W.:Naomi Campbell, Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley




Stephen would have an awesome party on his hands with these guys

N.Y.:If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

S.I.W.:My memory, it's terrible.


N.Y.:Where do you see yourself in 10 years' time?

S.I.W.:On a yacht. No, I should say working somewhere. Actually, no, I don't want to be working. I want to be on that yacht!

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